It was a Tuesday, a little after 6am. Half asleep I stumbled from my bedroom, down the stairs and along the hall. There had been a noise near the front door, perhaps a package had been delivered. Perhaps my new nose hair trimmer from Amazon had finally arrived! I breathed a sigh of relief, albeit a muffled one. I opened the door and peered outside but the porch was sadly empty.

I closed the door a little harder than necssary which caused the “You can’t have rainbows without the rain” print to fall from it’s place on the entryway wall. As I stooped to retrieve it, something caught my eye on the floor a few feet from me. It was a large yellow envelope. The type used for sending contracts, catalogs or autographed celebrity photos. Thanks Drew Barrymore 😉

It was from Edgar Wright…at least that’s what the blue marker scribbling on the front aspired to. Perhaps he had been forced to sign with his non dominant hand and that hand had been crushed or severed by a mechanical gear or one of those great big hammers or wicked pliers due to some unpaid debt to the English mob or a really angry ex girlfriend or a rival filmmaker perhaps? Guy Ritchie, hmmm?

Oh well, no use speculating, for I held in my hands, which were both perfectly functional thank you, something solid, something viable that informed that THE Edgar Wright himself was aware of my existense! SWOON!

I was so overwhelmed with this immense blessing that I fell onto the couch, starry eyed and slack jawed for several minutes before I even thought to examine the contents. So, examine I did. Inside was a single sheet of paper with a printed message.

Lady Karma (so formal, I love it!)

This is a siezendesist (French? Ooh lala) Stop writing about Edgar Alan Poe (You mean Edgar Wright?) Stop today or we will sue for treats and money.

Signed
The guy you always write about

(scribbled signature)

My eyes welled up and I sniffed (it is allergy season still) but I was also sad and a little devastated. What had caused him to react this way? Sure, I wrote A LOT about him but it was mostly positive and only a little creepy and obsessive.

It’s not like I wanted to wear him like a suit, (I’m more of a dress gal), I just really love his talent and wanted him to know I was a fan who really really wanted to meet him and work with him on some projects where we would grow closer over time and in the projection room watching dailies he would look deep into my eyes and say,

“Karma, would you do me the honor of being my bestie?” I mean, where’s the harm in that? #GOALS I mean, If I had a nickel for every blog dedicated to me and dreams of being my bestie, I would have negative nickels sure, but I would understand.

I would have to get to the bottom of this, and fast…because I had to start work soon.

STAY TUNED FOR PART DEUX (DOO)